if I don't succeed, how many times must I try?

As children we were all plagued with sayings like "if at first you don't succeed, try, try again or practice makes perfect". For some, that is a source of anguish, remembering how they hated some activity that they were forced to repeat at length as a child for others it was a blessing as they enjoy the leisure of the activity. Yet strangely as an adult no one makes me do anything at length, now that I am a stay at home mom. No one forces me to do laundry or encourages me to clean the showers better but oddly I am getting really good at doing domestic things. Take for example my new hobby, baking bread. I began one week ago and have so far made wheat bread, wheat dinner rolls, banana bread with orange and spice and pizza dough. Honestly though, although my husband smiled, the wheat bread was not a raging success, while the dinner rolls were alright, the first pizza dough on Ash Wednesday was  better than store bought but the dough on Friday was great, and of course my banana bread which I have been fixing for years was a big crowd pleaser. I sat and thought about this after the dismal wheat bread came out of the oven looking all nice and loaf- like and thought "what gives? I spent all day kneading the dough and letting it rise, then kneading again and letting it rise again, following the recipe to the letter, yet blah! It tastes like nothing special." And faint words from childhood came to mind. My breads need me to meet their needs, that is why my banana bread is always good because I have made it so many times. It then made me think of my children. Poor Vince, my 2 year old, should have gotten a mulligan with us as we were trying to do what books had told us rather than what Vice told us. There is a recipe to life but ultimately we practice and get really good at what works for us. We forget this as adults, maybe our parents should remind us!

highly effective

One of my favorite books of all time is 7 habits of highly effective people, if you have never read this, really it is a multifaceted book that I always take away some new nugget of wisdom from. Now you may ask yourself, isn't this a blog about being a mom, not some high powered business executive, well yes you are right but in my experience this book really covers it all, plus isn't being a stay at home mom like running a small business in that you are either leading or managing the fleet of several people. Although the book is geared at business, it also has you look at how pro-active you are, how much you take responsibility, how much you waste time on things that if asked you would for sure say are a waste of time (top 3 guilty pleasures: on-line shopping, facebook and researching products that I probably don't need but just want). Sadly we all get off track as to what we want our lives to look like. One of the exercises in the book suggests taking a few moments to think about your funeral and as you are there watching friends, family and co-workers all stand and speak about you, what would you want them to say? This always helps me refocus my time, pay attention to my words and more importantly do what is right for me.  It has been hard not going back to work, I had always felt like becoming a social worker was more than a job but it was a calling. I love being able to help people through listening and empowering but in the end my client will not show-up at my funeral and although I know what I do helps people at this point in my life it is important to help those closest to me, my husband and children. My children are young and there are many things they may never remember me doing. I choose not to work so that I can be here for the first time they skin their knees, the first time they taste a homemade meal they love for years to come, the first time they say I love you, the first scary dream, the first mean child, the first beloved book and the first amazement in the world. I stay home so that one day my children can stand at my funeral and say I was there, trying my best and loving them more than they could ever express.