Maybe Axel Rose was onto something!

As a child of the 80's I heard Guns n' Roses no less than a million times but as I walked away from my 2 year old this morning I thought of the song "Patience" and thought maybe they were onto something. I can freely admit I am a type A personality with high hopes to relax maybe when I die. I have a hard time enjoying a moment or slowing down. I am in constant go mode and even when I am sitting, I am plotting what I will do next, reading some "how to" book or making a list (I love a good list). But recently I began thinking about going back to work. My whole ambition in Europe was to use my new camera and take beautiful pictures of all the adventures and enjoy what would be some of the greatest times I may remember. Instead I find myself trapped inside praying my 2 year old will nap and completely ignoring a my sweet baby because I am trying to get her brother to...well do anything I ask. I feel consumed with trying to be a certain type of parent, one that supports a whole food movement, doesn't let her kids watch to much television or eat too many sweets. A parent that reads and is well versed but also is kind and fun with her children. That is indeed not what is happening though. I feel frustrated and edgy because I am trying too hard to do too much and going back to work just felt like an escape. So I am too indulge in being patient and trying to understand that life will come together as it needs too. I will wait for his naps to return but not inside. I will be patient enough to just sit and watch my 6 month old be small and smile. I will use patience in my potty training ideas. I can be patient with food and maybe even my husband. So as I sit here thinking of a project or something to do, I won't, even though I know I will, I guess I need patience there as well!!!

ahhhhh, do we have too?

Sometimes it is hard to see the forest because of the trees, right? Sometimes you need to change things but just can't seem to make yourself, that is more like it. I had one of those moments yesterday as I told my husband how exhausted I had recently began feeling. We talked about my diet, exercise, mental health, sleep, water intake, vitamins, it had to be biological, something that labs or a doctor could discover maybe. As I was lounging around and watching a movie, something I rarely do as I am a textbook type A personality(always with a mission) I heard someone say that Americans do not know how to enjoy themselves, respectively coming from an Italian in the movie, I laughed and turned to my husband, who while working abroad went to the window where an Italian was working(so he thought) and was told that he was on a break and could help him in 5 minutes. My husband used this as an example of how different the world is outside of America because of course in the states it would just be common place for them to end their break early and help, but at what cost. I never just sit and day dream or lay on the floor with my children and why because my pantry needs to be purged and my cloths need to be washed, I need to buy something on-line or check my e-mail or blah, blah, blah, blah!!!
Suddenly I felt liberated and energized by the thought that I would use my time differently and take time to relax and do something I enjoy, I know, crazy thing how purging cabinets is not considered relaxing. I would read a book, for fun not to learn how to potty train my 2 year old or quickly spring clean. I would quit creating barriers for going outside or playing with my children. Now this may not make me feel less exhausted, I will still be heading to the doctor on that note but it gives me something to start with, which is change. We all know a million different things we should do different in our own lives that indeed would make it more enjoyable but for one reason or another we continue on a road that does not lead us to happiness but rather walks us in circles.
As I ran this morning usually thinking how cold it is in the morning and how 0630 is too early to awake, I rather listened to The Rolling Stones "You Can't Always Get What You Want", it was random that the song came up on my iPod but maybe a sign from the universe telling me to go with flow and quit trying so hard to be in control. I came home nursed my baby and enjoyed looking at her soft blonde hair in my arms. I made my bed, got dress, pinned back my hair, put on make-up, sat down with coffee and wrote this while she played on her mat and my son slept. I made a to do list complete with enjoyable things, not just dreaded chores. My life is so exceptional but without time to stop, relax and enjoy it, it looks basic and drab, which is furthest thing from the truth, for all of us!!!  

Green with Envy

I have always thought of myself as a middle of the road kind of person, I like to be informed but practical about choices but after having children things have become so much more difficult when it comes to the choices I make on a daily basis. Cleaning products have changed drastically in my home, going from whatever worked best to all natural products, the truth being that chemicals clean better but since children roll on the floor, shower, touch the sink and sometimes the toilet, I compromise. I cloth diaper 2 children who must have a sense of when those nasty little things go in the washer because they immediately poop, so we can smell the hint of poo in the nursery until 2 days later when we wash again. I buy organic and try to read labels for the healthiest choices possible and fix all my own baby food. But honestly I am jealous of the mom who just does thing out of ease. There are days when it takes me hours to make dinner because I try to make everything from scratch, including breads, which is crazy honestly but I feel guilty if I don't try to do the best thing I can for my family. I spend hours debating purchases based on safety for my children rather than just buying what might be the easiest or what is at a local store, again exhausting. I wondered today as I sat to drink a cup of coffee and write this blog how much time and effort is wasted and what is gained in the long run. My hope is the white thick sunscreen that is impossible to spread and cost an arm and a leg, will in fact decrease the chance of cancer maybe but mainly as I feel envious of those other mothers I hope that my children one day take something away from those choices and just remember that the grass is not always greener on the other side!